Night

It just rained. There's something peaceful about tonight. A quiet heart perhaps?

I will not worry tonight. I refuse to. I feel that I have achieved much in my personal wellbeing, but there is still a lot of work to be done.

Stop it. Don't think about it. Just enjoy tonight.

Learning to Let Go

So I am trying to release a meaningful relationship with a friend, who has been a figure I have come to admire and look up to as an elder brother (how cliche that sounds). But it's true, I do wish that I had a brother like him who listens and gives me advice. He calms me when I am having an emo storm. I hated his firm and no nonsense ways when I first met him. It's uncanny how good he is in doing what he does. Every question hit a raw nerve. He challenged every complaint I had. "Where's the proof? Do you have evidence? I don't see any fatalism in your problem. "

I wish he wasn't leaving. For that brief moment in my life, I had someone I could rely on. I felt... safe. I was so proud when he stood up for me and defended me. I trust him. I know I can tell my darkest fears and secrets without being judged or pitied. And I know, he is THAT good to know what to say and what to do without hurting me or himself. Most important of all, he is teaching me to fend for myself. For the first time yesterday, I laughed. It was the kind of laughter that was spontaneous and hearty that I had forgotten for a long time. He made me laugh!

I am probably idealising him. I suppose if anyone rescued you from mortal harm, you would think of him as your hero too. As much as I would like to be special to him as he is to me, I know that I am one of his many charges. And that I am one of the many many people that is passing by in his life as he is just passing by in mine. In the end, after the anger and feeling of abandonment, I AM grateful to have met a person like him. Be thankful and let go...

Kutucat

Fig and Olive

Went to this cosy little restaurant recommended by my cousin which serves Mediterranean food. Fig and Olive is tucked in a tiny obscure corner at the Marrakesh, Sunway Pyramid. Had a hard time locating it, but just 10 feet from the entrance we could smell the wonderful wonderful aroma wafting from the kitchen!

Cosy and relaxed interior

Hot sandwich with fresh juicy tomatoes and onion rings,

generous helping of creamy chicken and turkey topped with figs.

Zafirah Zayton Steak with olives,
vinaigrette greens & steaming hot potatoe baked in its skin.

I love the place! It's the first time I've tried Mediterranean food and I can't get over the rich and exotic explosion of spices in my mouth when I bit into the juicy steak. At RM 23.90 the set lunch comes with guava juice, soup and fruits. As an a la carte, it comes with ice cream on the house. I would definitely want to dine there again rather than go back to the same old boring and overpriced food at Italiannes or TGIF.

The Lake Gardens

Also known as Taman Tasik Perdana. It's nice enough for an outing with family and friends, or to jog. But seriously, the place needs better maintenance. A little more flowers gardens, add some rolling slopes and a family of swans in the pond then perhaps there would be something to write about.

Centercourt

River... sans water for boating.

Wide field for a game of frisbie... if it ever caught on in KL.

Dusk after the rain.

Stepping stones

Mental Exercise

Must think positive:
1. I will allow myself to fall asleep when I am ready to.
2. I am fortunate to have certain people who cross my path and enrich my life experience.
3. This too shall pass... I will be deliriously happy again one day.
4. I am strong enough to meet life's challenges and grow from it.
5. I am grateful that I now have the freedom to relax and take it easy.
6. I wake up to a brand new day in a comfortable bed everyday.
7. I am given an opportunity to rediscover myself.
8. I am excited what the future holds for me.
9. I am a passionate and vibrant woman who can take care of herself.
10. I am able to give and receive love freely.

:)

Reflection

From the book Please Understand Me II by David Keirsey:

If you do not want what I want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.
Or if my beliefs are different from yours, at least pause before you set out to correct them.
Or if my emotion seems less or more intense than yours, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel other than I do.
Or if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for actions, please let me be.
I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up trying to change me into a copy of you.
If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself to the possibility that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear as right - for me. To put up with me is the first step to understanding me.
Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And one day, perhaps, in trying to understand me, you might come to prize my differences, and, far from seeking to change me, might preserve and even cherish those differences.
I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, your colleague. But whatever our relation, this I know: You and I are fundamentally different and both of us are to march to our own drummer.

Serotonin Flood

Today is a Happy day :) Found myself walking around bubbling with joy in my chest and a perpetual smile on my lips. Had a very gratifying conversation with a friend, and I believe I have found an advocate who knows how to protect me and keeps my best interest at heart. Yep. It's a good day today. I'm beginning to hope again and I think I'll be alright after all!

Can't Sleep

Mulling over so many stuff in my mind. My sleep-wake cycle is all messed up. Distressed but unable to do anything about it. I guess that's wasted energy. All that brain activity should be burning up plenty of calories (at least I'll lose some weight from this neurosis *Think positive! Think positive!*). I'm getting pretty fed up of this. I could shift the blame around and around - it's my fault, his fault, their fault, nobody's fault x1000 but in the end I guess there's no choice but to deal with it. But that's tomorrow's battle... at least I have found an ally now. I have so many things I want to say but don't know where to begin. Right now I just want to be able to sleep like a normal person.

Why I Don't Exercise

I went to the gym today. Got on the treadmill for 15 minutes, pushed my heart rate to over 100/min, felt dizzy, stopped to put my head between my knees, broke out into cold sweat, felt like dying, ran to the toilet and threw up the one and only banana I had for breakfast.

So much for a healthy lifestyle.