A Prayer

Grant me strength of ancient mountains.

Grant me an armour of elven forged steel.

Grant me stoism let tears not show in my eyes.

Grant me the courage of a thousand warriors.

The Tribunal draws near.

One step closer to freedom.

All About Now

Today, I was reminded to enjoy myself in what I do, instead of plotting to get ahead and stress myself out in the process. "In the long run..... in the long run..." we're always working towards the future, pouring sweat and tears, putting in the time hoping that all the hard work will pay out one day while forgeting that it is this moment, this hour that you are living in and should be focusing on. The journey itself should be it's own reward. If it pays out "in the long run" then it is an added bonus. I was so consumed with climbing the ladder that I lost sight of my initial intention... which is to have enough and be happy with what I have.

Was weighing the pros and cons of taking an 8% EPF vs the 11% EPF. Keep money for old age or use it well now? What's to guarentee that I will live to the age of retirement? As high as the interest rate provided by the government, it's not going to be enough to last the final couple of decades of my life (assuming I fall within the group of average lifespan on 72 years old. For females. Men's survival rate are a different story.) Yes, I am all for spending money. The value of RM100 is RM 100, as it should be. I'm not one to speculate on the value of our currency in 10, 20 years time... Hell, anything can happen next week. So I'd like to have my money in my hands when I need it and use it as I want to, thank you very much.

But I digress... have been feeling hassled at work and bringing home stuff to finish up. Then I realized... why stress myself so much. Office time is office time. Personal time is personal time. A clear line is drawn when I clock out of the office. Whatever needs to be done I can continue tomorrow. The most important thing is to take care of myself, recharge for the next day and forge ahead with a refreshed mind!

Must be firm. Leave the office when I'm supposed to. And No Bring Work Home!!

The Muffin Effect

Kutucat stares at her midsection, studying the rolls of fat spilling over the elastic band of her trousers. Too sad, as age catches up and metabolism decelerates, sucking in the gut no longer hides the soft round tummy. Gone is the sleek long-legged feline of spritely youth and vigour. Thighs like carrots, "do my hips look big in this jeans" a defunct question. No time to hit the gym. Must make effort.

Overwhelmed

Last time, when I was a kid and living in Sibu, where people basically stayed in houses (ie grounded property) and gardens were a norm (got front yard got backyard) it was common sight to see huge one-tonne lorries carrying yellow clay earth into housing areas. Reason being land was aplenty and the residents made good use by gardening and planting fruit trees. From where I came from, wheelbarrows and cangkuls were common household items to own. And so I used to watch the lorry backing up into the driveway, engines vroom-ing while the hydraulics pumped up its power... tilting its load of earth by the road with a crash. Well, I can tell you today that I feel like a lorry just dumped its load on top of me. A sudden surge of responsibilities and urgent to-dos. A bit too much to handle at one go. Hate stretching myself thin. And there I was complaining I was bored and needing a challenge.

Becareful what you wish for!

Happy Valentine's Day

Muttons At Midnight Valentine's Day love song dedication.

Used to be Neutral...

Today, a bouquet of roses arrived at the office with a note "To my dearest (not my name), with love from your hubby".

OK. I officially hate Valentine's Day now.

Die Cupid Die.

Bye Bye Boss

Big Boss is leaving soon. It's a great loss to the department and I feel a loss on a personal level too. I really feel that I have more loyalty towards my boss than to the company. Which is not a good sign. I work well when I have an authoritative figure to report to (and cover my ass when I make mistakes). There was Respect - not a natural thing for me to develop so spontaneously when it comes to pig-headed conceited me. He was also a good mentor. There are some teachers who hold your hand and guide you through step by step and then there are the ones who throw you into the deep end and watch you sink and clap happily when you somehow float back up to the surface. That's then when you feel proud that your achievement is truely yours to claim but should you drown he will bail you out.

So cheers to Big Boss. It's a pity I only had a few months to be your apprentice but it was an excellent few months on exponential growth. Thank you Boss! Wish you luck wherever you are going (most likely to our competitor lah).

Valentine's Week

It's so depressing. Not because I won't have someone to celebrate it with, but because for the past 10 years although I was in a relationship I NEVER had a Valentine's Day.

I'm a sucker for romantic gestures. It doesn't have to be flowers or chocolates or soft toys, or an overpriced dinner for two at a fancy restaurant. I'm the type who appreciates poems, trinkets and a good view of the horizon bathed in the last rays of a sunset. Or city lights reflecting in a vast body of water. Or stars. Just stars. Disco lights dancing on the walls in a room for two will also do.

During the first year of courtship, I was alone for Valentine's Day. This year, I will be alone again. Oh wait. I was alone last year too.

The more I remember the past, the more worked up I am getting. Tsk. Such a waste... with so much precious time and effort invested in and nothing to show for after a decade of "love".

Bitterness.

Monotony

Feeling bored at work.

Conformity is dangerous... it robs the mind of creativity and the spirit of enthusiasm. Because you're new, ideas are not always taken seriously. Not until you've proven your mettle anyway. So as you do the time and notch another day of seniority to the office desk, senses start to dull, routine takes over, you start to fit in and inadvertantly become one of the drones churning out sameness - in the name of productivity.

Whatever creative cells that were waiting to burst out from the neurones to the conveyor belt has withered and died. Would you hire someone who brings in freshness or someone who gets the job done? To stand out or to blend in? To exert change and make a difference, or to keep your head down going through the motions of earning a living?

Sigh. I'm bored. I thrive on challenges. I want variety. I need new stimulus.

Why the Sour Mood?

With a capital "I"

That's why.

Hissssss

Listen to me, you little worm

Don't come crawling back

I'll snap your body in two

Feed your head to the crow

And the other end to the garoupa

But not before I squeeze your guts out

And watch you expire between my pincer grip

Your pulverized innards dripping to the ground

That ants may feast on your remains

So keep away, you little worm

Bloated little maggot that you are

The slime of your kind is not welcomed here.

A Case of Acute Tonsillitis

A look down my sister's throat

Here we have a beautiful example of acute tonsillitis, which started as a terrible sorethroat but resulted in an angry-looking gland in the short span of 24 hours.

Compare the two tonsils at the arch of the throat. Note that the left palatine tonsil is swollen and erythematous with a covering of white purulent discharge around the crypts. The posterior pharyngeal wall is also imflammed. The uvula is not deviated.

Am keeping a healthy distance from my sister.... coz I certainly don't want that in my throat!